Non-violent communication

Background

Psychologist Marshall Rosenberg developed Nonviolent Communication (NVC) in the 1960’s to foster a kinder, less judgmental world by addressing how traditional communication often creates division and conflict. By increasing awareness of our language, NVC aims to enhance connection, compassion, and cooperation, leading to more positive outcomes and win-win relationships. Rosenberg used NVC in various settings, from mediating in war-torn countries to working in schools and workplaces. His approach has since spread globally, with many trainers continuing to adapt and share his methods.

The NVC process

In its most simple form the NVC process follows these steps:

Observation: To describe a situation without the embellishment of labels and judgement.

Feelings: To be in touch with the feelings felt by the body which are generally versions of sadness, anger, shame, guilt or joy. Learn to notice and understand these sensations, give names to them without judgement but rather with self-compassion, recognising that they are a part of us and are a guide to what is really going on within.  In NVC we tune in to feelings rather than push them away or make ourselves or others wrong for feeling a certain way. 

Needs: From these feelings we learn to identify the underlying needs of ourselves and others. NVC believes needs are universal to all humans, and disagreements or struggles are the result of our trying to meet our needs in ways that aren’t working. NVC helps us to connect to our needs, and understand the needs of others. It provides an alternative way to talk about what we want, and promotes compassionate listening.

Requests: Making requests (which are not demands) of ourselves or others which, if agreed to, are entered into willingly, without coercion.